I actually received this email this morning…
OK – just this one time – I’m offering you the opportunity to buy LIVE Lobsters!! Please see the attached brochure that will answer most all of your questions. If you want to order then just email me back how many and we can catch up to hand off the $$. Lobster pickup is on November 13.
No pressure – if you don’t want to order it will not affect our relationship at all. I just don’t want you to miss the opportunity if you want to be able to kill/cook/eat the freshest lobster you will ever enjoy in our city.
If I have accidently sent this to anyone outside of our city, I humbly apologize.
If I have sent this to you and you can’t even remember how you know me…you were probably in my address book at work. Please forgive me.
If this has intruded upon your life and you are angry…let me know…I will apologize.
If you want me to come and kill your lobster for you…you’re out of luck. I’m going to have to pluck up my courage to kill mine! The food network folks indicate the most humane death is being stabbed through the skull…mine will be inhumanely steamed into submission. I will feel guilty at least until the butter starts running down my arm…